Personal Rules

Why have rules at all?

The beauty of a rule is that it automates a decision or action.

A rule allows us to decide once for something we’ll encounter a thousand times. And that takes a tremendous amount of future work away from us.

Rules often get a bad reputation, maybe because we’re not always the ones making them. But if we look at the upside, we can see their value. Take the speed limit. We might find it frustrating at times, but the purpose, especially in residential areas, is to ensure safety. While some rules might seem unnecessary, the best ones are well thought out and provide real benefits.

Having rules gives us a compass.

This is one of the quieter tools of captaincy. If we think about the navigation idea, the captain doesn’t decide whether to hold course in the middle of a storm. They decided before they left port. Personal rules are the pre-decision: the commitment we make when we’re calm that guides us when we’re not. And this can be a real help to not make a situation worse when it’s stormy.

When I first started writing and playing music, I wouldn’t have considered myself a writer or a musician. As a STEM student and professional for 30 years, my identity was rooted in science and technology. There was probably some imposter syndrome at the start.

By setting rules such as 500 words per writing session and 30 minutes of daily piano practice, the decision of “should I?” was already answered.

I also found it useful to add a “when” to each rule. This provided a simple way to out-compete other tasks in daily life, in a practical way.

For me, it was putting the laptop beside the bed to make it easy to start, and doing piano right after the dinner clean-up. If I could do this 80% of the time, I was happy. Aiming for daily rather than three times a week made it easier to keep. Over time, this produced a book and a creative musical hobby. They resonated with my needs for growth and curiosity but without the work angle or pressure.

Decision automation is the practical benefit. But the real success is identity.

When we set a rule to write 500 words each morning, we’re not just managing our time. We’re deciding, in advance, that we’re someone who writes.

We keep the rule before we quite believe it about ourselves. And over time, perhaps, it just becomes who we are.

Even if we don’t always follow them perfectly, having rules means we’re more likely to stay on course.

Rules aren’t always about actions…

They can be mindsets.

And they work alongside the inner or invisible scripts we carry: the ideas that tell us we should behave or live a certain way because of our age or what’s expected. Recognizing those scripts is the first step. The second is choosing different ones. If we still enjoy the music from our youth, why not listen to it on the commute?

We get to decide.

Sometimes we might think a rule isn’t to be broken. But to make a rule easy to make and break, we can treat it as an experiment. That mindset allows us to test our rules before we make them more permanent.

It lightens the burden by treating decisions as temporary trials. If the rule works, great. If not, we learn something valuable. Just like the scientific method, both success and failure teach us something.

This gives us a sense of control over our lives.

We’re actively shaping the world around us, taking ownership of our actions.

We also need to recognize that rules aren’t static. They may need some flexibility. Speed limits have evolved over time: in my local area some roads have had their limits lowered, and new, faster highways have been built. Just like speed limits, our rules can change and adapt. What’s important is having a framework to start with.

We can begin by establishing three rules that feel right and help us move toward our goals. These might be things we already do naturally and feel good about. Some rules may require more thought, especially if we’re aiming for a future state or identity.

Start by writing them down and revisiting them regularly, refining them as needed.

Some rules will be more exploratory, especially if we’re seeking a change in behavior or mindset. These can be challenging to stick to, and we may break them often at first. But by continuing to try, we move closer to that desired identity.

Rules aren’t set in stone;

they’re tools we can adjust, test, and refine.

Take alcohol, for example. In corporate travel, it’s always available: dinners, airport lounges, and aircraft. It’s also a social lubricant at get-togethers, and sometimes just an easy thing to have after a stressful day.

My rule is to limit drinking because I know it affects my next morning’s writing and evening piano sessions. Do I always follow the rule? No. Do I wish I had when I don’t? Mostly. But instead of beating myself up, I let it go and start the next day afresh, recommitting to the rules that form a system of continuous progression, not just toward targets, but as a way of living.

By having rules, we create a framework that allows us to live with more intention.

Rules don’t have to be perfect or rigid; they just need to help us stay aligned with what matters most.

That’s what captaincy looks like in practice. We decide while we’re calm how we want to act, so it’s easier when the moment arrives.

Key Thoughts

Purpose of Rules

A personal rule is a decision made in advance, one we make when we’re calm, so we don’t have to make it again when we’re tired, pressured, or tempted. The practical gift is automation: we decide once for something we’ll encounter a thousand times. The deeper gift is identity. The rules we set quietly shape who we’re becoming, not just what we’re doing.

Creating Effective Rules

Good rules need a what and a when. The what is the commitment; the when is what makes it stick. We’re more likely to keep a rule that’s attached to a specific moment in the day than one that floats. Start with three, write them down, and revisit them. They don’t have to be perfect to be useful.

Flexibility and Commitment

Rules aren’t static. They evolve as we do. An experimental mindset helps: treat each rule as a trial rather than a life sentence. If it works, keep it. If not, learn from it and adjust. When we break a rule, we can ask what got in the way. We start afresh the next day and recommit. That’s the practice.

Try It: Writing Personal Rules

Reflect on a recent moment: when you felt off-track or frustrated. What was missing? Focus, time, energy, or clarity?

• Ask yourself: What action or mindset could have helped in that situation?

• Turn that answer into a short, clear rule. For example: “No screens after 9 p.m.” or “Say no to non-essential meetings.”

• Keep it personal and actionable. Avoid vague or aspirational language.

• Write three rules that support the identity or future you’re aiming for.

• Revisit them weekly. Ask: Is this rule helping? Does it need adjusting?

• Stay flexible. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s to create habits that make your life easier and more intentional.