Personal Rules
A rule lets you decide once for something you will face a thousand times. The quiet tool that does the most work.
Why have rules at all?
The beauty of a rule is that it automates a decision or action.
A rule allows us to decide once for something we’ll encounter a thousand times. And that takes a tremendous amount of future work away from us.
Rules often get a bad reputation, maybe because we’re not always the ones making them. But if we look at the upside, we can see their value. Take the speed limit. We might find it frustrating at times, but the purpose, especially in residential areas, is to ensure safety. While some rules might seem unnecessary, the best ones are well thought out and provide real benefits.
Having rules gives us a compass.
This is one of the quieter tools of Captaincy. If we think about the navigation idea, the captain doesn’t decide whether to hold course in the middle of a storm. They decided before they left port. Personal rules are that pre-decision: the commitment we make when we’re calm, that guides us when we’re not. And this can be a real help to not make a worse situation when it’s stormy.
When I first started writing and playing music, I wouldn’t have considered myself a writer or a musician. As a STEM student and professional for 30 years, my identity was rooted in science and technology. There was probably some imposter syndrome at the start.
By setting rules such as 500 words per writing session and 30 minutes of daily piano practice, the decision of “should I?” was already answered.
I also found it useful to add a “when” to each rule. This provided a simple way to out-compete other tasks in daily life, in a practical way.
For me, it was putting the laptop beside the bed to make it easy to start, and doing piano right after the dinner clean-up. If I could do this 80% of the time, I was happy. Aiming for daily rather than three times a week made it easier to keep. Over time, this produced a book and a creative musical hobby. They resonated with my needs for growth and curiosity but without the work angle or pressure.
That’s the deeper power of a personal rule: it can move us toward who we want to be, not just what we want to do.
Decision automation is the practical benefit. But the real success is identity.
When we set a rule to write 500 words each morning, we’re not just managing our time. We’re deciding, in advance, that we are someone who writes.
The rule creates the identity before the identity feels real. Over time, the rule and the self become the same thing.
Even if we don’t always follow them perfectly, having rules means we’re more likely to stay on course.
Rules aren’t always about actions… they can be mindsets.
And they work alongside the inner or invisible scripts we carry: the ideas that tell us we should behave or live a certain way because of our age or what’s expected. Recognising those scripts is the first step. The second is choosing different ones. If we still enjoy the music from our youth, why not listen to it on the commute?
We get to decide.
Sometimes we might think a rule is not to be broken. But to make a rule easy to make and break, we can just treat it as an experiment. That mindset allows us to test our rules before we make them more permanent.
It lightens the burden by treating decisions as temporary trials. If the rule works, great. If not, we learn something valuable. Just like the scientific method, both success and failure teach us something.
This gives us a sense of control over our lives.
We’re actively shaping the world around us, taking ownership of our actions.
We also need to recognise that rules aren’t static. They may need some flexibility. Speed limits have evolved over time: some roads that were 80 km/h are now 60 km/h, and new 110 km/h highways have been introduced. Just like speed limits, our rules can change and adapt. What’s important is having a framework to start with.
We can begin by establishing three rules that feel right and help us move toward our goals. These might be things we already do naturally and feel good about. Some rules may require more thought, especially if we’re aiming for a future state or identity.
Start by writing them down and revisiting them regularly, refining them as needed.
Some rules will be more exploratory, especially if we’re seeking a change in behaviour or mindset. These can be challenging to stick to, and we may break them often at first. But by continuing to try, we move closer to that desired identity.
Rules aren’t set in stone; they’re tools we can adjust, test, and refine.
Take alcohol, for example. In corporate travel it’s always available: dinners, airport lounges and aircraft. It’s also a social lubricant at get-togethers, and sometimes just an easy thing to have after a stressful day.
My rule is to limit drinking because I know it affects my next morning’s writing and evening piano sessions. Do I always follow the rule? No. Do I wish I had when I don’t? Mostly. But instead of beating myself up, I let it go and start afresh the next day, recommitting to the rules that form a system of continuous progression, not just toward targets, but as a way of living.
By having rules, we create a framework that allows us to live with more intention.
Rules don’t have to be perfect or rigid; they just need to help us stay aligned with what matters most.
That’s what Captaincy looks like in practice: not reacting to each moment as it arrives, but deciding in advance who we’re going to be in it.